Not so Witty Wednesday

Hey CF family. I usually have something witty or funny to say on my blog post day (or at least I think I do. lol.). However, as many of you know my grandmother passed away early on Monday morning. I made it home just in time to tell her goodbye and she passed a half hour after I left her. I am really struggling to deal with this right now. My grandmother was pretty close to a mother to me. She pretty much raised me because my mom was a young mom. I am just trying to hold it all together for my mom's sake and I honestly failed miserably the first couple of days. I made a mistake by going back once my granny passed to wait on the funeral home to pick her up. Now I just can't get the image of her in a bag out of my head. I wish I had stayed that extra 30 minutes and maybe she would not have passed or atleast she would not have been alone when she did.

I am not trying to make you guys uncomfortable with this, but for some odd reason I feel like I can talk to you guys about it and be honest about how I am feeling. I can't talk to my family about how I feel just yet, because everyone is upset and I do not want to make it worse. Shit, maybe I need to invest in a diary.

As far as Paleo goes, let my butt just be real and say I am not thinking about it until the New Year. I have realized while I am home dealing with this that I am an emotional eater. I never really pegged myself as one, but I have been consistently eating like a baby cow since I got here. I demolished an entire package of iced oatmeal cookies last night with milk and I did not bat an eye. We wont even discuss all of the other stuff I have been eating just because it makes me feel better. The one good thing I have done is continue to be physical in some way. Yesterday I went to the park and ran for a good while. Then I used the park benches to do box jumps. I was getting all kinds of weird looks from the other park-goers. My run was interesting because the ducks had generously set up an obstacle course of poop which I had to deftly run/jump through:) Other than running and jumping I did lots of air squats and lots of lunges. Even with the physical activity, based upon my crappy diet I am sure I will return to the box next Wednesday incapable of doing anything that I could before. lol.

Thanks for being a sounding board for me everyone. I appreciate each and everyone of you. It will be nice to get back. Have a Happy Wednesday.